


That is not my job

by Zoya113



Category: The Guy Who Didn't Like Musicals - Team StarKid
Genre: Catch the found family dynamics, F/F, F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-23
Updated: 2020-03-23
Packaged: 2021-03-01 00:28:24
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,131
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23276326
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Zoya113/pseuds/Zoya113
Summary: Melissa’s job as a PA comes with some strange requests, but fortunately that means everyone in the office is willing to do some strange things for her too.
Relationships: Alice/ Deb, Emma Perkins/ Paul Matthews, Melissa & Paul Matthews, Melissa & everyone actually, Mr Davidson/ Carol
Comments: 5
Kudos: 98





	That is not my job

**Author's Note:**

> Aka everyone adopts Melissa

“Perfect timing, Melissa,” Mr Davidson began, stopping her from walking my further than her own desk. “I’ve got a job for you.”

“Yessir!” She had begun far too positively for the task about to be dumped on her. “That’s my job!”

“Great,” he began, a smile that said he knew it was an unconventional offer. “So, if you head out the front doors right now,” he began, which was strange, because work had just started. “And go to my car,” he outstretched his hand to place his keys in her palm. “Unlock it, and get my dog out of my front seat.” 

“Pardon?” She looked at his keys to make sure they weren’t hers. “Your dog?”

“Yes. My car is the one with the windows down. I need you to take him down to the dog park and let him run about, play with him, you know?”

Her brain started backtracking. Maybe she could pretend she wasn’t actually coming into work. “You want me to walk your dog, Mr Davidson?”

“Yes. I couldn’t take him out before work and Carol has been so busy lately, I can’t put that on my love! Hey, that’s why you’re my personal assistant, right?” He clicked his tongue and winked before turning off.

So she guessed she was on her way to the dog park. 

The dog was a small, brown ball of energy. When she got it out of the car it was ten minutes of blunt claws on her legs and yips and barks and running in circles around her legs and getting tangled up in the leash. It tugged her down the sidewalk, knowing exactly where it wanted to go. It was almost pulling her arm off. 

Once they were there she didn’t know whether or not she was supposed to take the leash off. Would the dog run away? Fight another dog? She didn’t even know the dogs name let alone did she know her boss had a dog! 

She let it off the leash eventually and it bolted off at the speed of light to chase another dog down. To her left, one of the big dogs bolted by her. She didn’t know the breed, the Scooby Doo one. Great Dane? And a chihuahua had come to run around her ankles. 

“Aww, how old is your baby?” A stranger approached her to watch the dog as it dig up the earth with its paw. 

“Uh. No. Uh, it’s my dad’s. Yeah. Two years,” it was easier than explaining walking dogs was part of her job now. Definitely not what she had signed up for. 

“Cute, what breed?” 

“Brown,” she panicked. She knew dog breeds, yes, the basics -Labrador, Dalmatian, German Shepard, and she had heard a lot more. Cavoodle, terrier, Chinese crested, but she wouldn’t be able to put a name to them. She must’ve sounded like a fool. One of the things she hated most was when people described their cats as ‘brown’ or ‘short haired basic.’ Her cat was a Turkish van. A lovely, beautiful Turkish van. And what was this, brown? The stranger gave her an odd look. 

“No, the breed. It’s a cavoodle cross, right?” 

She nodded. “Yup. With something. We think poodle, maybe.” It sounded believable enough. Lying about having a dog was not on her job description. 

But doing tasks like this had a payoff. Especially on hectic days where overtime wouldn’t let her get home until seven if the peak hour traffic didn’t. 

Being called to her boss’s office when people are running around left right and centre trying to get their jobs done is a true horror. Up until he winks and lowers his voice to a whisper. “Good work today, Melissa. Why don’t you head home early?” 

———————————————————

Along side her weird list of tasks that came under ‘personal assistant’ was a true winner. The crown of that title belonged to Bill. She would do a lot of things for Bill, it was just weird he tried to justify it through her job title. 

“I just have one extra ticket. Her mother backed out and I don’t want Alice thinking we were too busy for her! You know her, she likes you! She’d really love to have you come.” 

And that’s how she ended up at a high school play next to her coworker and his daughter’s girlfriend. 

She sat on the edge of her seat with her hands on her knees. Teeth clenched, eyes wide, way out of her comfort zone. 

“Is that your sister?” She bumped into someone at the refreshments table. “The girl with the solo?” 

“Alice?” She blinked. “Uh... Yep!” Better than saying it was her coworker’s child. “Super talented, right?” 

“Bill’s your dad, right? He’s so sweet! You must be such a happy family.” 

“We are- oh yeah, so happy.”

Mix ups like that happened all the time. It was weird considering they weren’t related at all. But at least there were moments that made up for it.

The next day, for example, when she realised something new in the break room. 

“Oh! That’s the sort you like, right?” Bill surprised her by speaking up right behind her as she was reaching for the box. 

“I bought in some of that peach tea stuff you mentioned you liked. Just as a thanks for tagging along to the show last night.” 

———————————————————

“Hey, I’m just heading out to run an errand for Mr Davidson, does anyone in here need anything while I’m out?” Melissa ducked by IT room first. 

“Oh!” Charlotte perked up. “Could you? I need to pick up the house keys from Sam. I forgot mine and Sam won’t be home until late tonight,” she laced her fingers together. “Would that be a bother?” 

“Oh, sure, I can do that.” She meant like, shopping, but hey. Personal assistant. 

“Hello, I need to speak to the chief police officer? Sam?” 

The receptionist wasn’t buying it. “The chief is busy right now. Can I take a memo for you? Will another police officer do?” 

“Uh, it’s urgent. I need to see Sam,” she tried, her hands already full with the bags she had collected for the boss on her last errand. “It’s personal.” 

“Do you know him personally?” The receptionist followed up. 

Hell. Sam had probably bought a lot of woman back this way. Yuck, she probably thought she was Sam’s new girl. “I’m his daughter!” Saying his wife’s Secretary was sketchy and suggestive. Saying she was anything but a family member would look bad knowing Sam. 

“Oh. Of course, alright then, I’ll page him.” 

Sam didn’t look impressed when he returned. “Daughter?” 

“Look, I just needed to get those keys for Charlotte please?” Maybe she should’ve just said she knew Doug. She would’ve loved much more to see the nicer cop than Sam. 

“Sure. Here.” He fished them out of his leather jacket. “Tell Charlotte not to forget her keys again, okay? I’m in the middle of something.” 

“Yessir,” she gulped. She had always been scared of that cop. She swore she’d never run by the HFPD again to see him, but Charlotte had found a way to pay her back. 

The next day she placed a bag of sweets on Melissa’s desk. The sort grandmother’s give out that are so old they don’t have a brand, but still somehow so tasty which she confirmed by herself by eating half the bag throughout the day.

“Oh I don’t eat sugar anymore,” Charlotte had said. “But they made me think of you.”  
———————————————————

“Melissa, you know how you’re a PA?” That was how people started talking to her when they were about to ask something ridiculous. 

“Yes, that’s something I don’t tend to forget,” she tested Ted with a glare. Anything from him couldn’t be too good. 

“On a scale of one to ten, how much would you say you’re good with relationship advice?” Ted asked. 

“Oh,” she nodded, clicking her tongue. “I’m only single because there are like, no other single wlw’s in Hatchetfield. Solid ten, Ted,” she declared. Relationship advice wasn’t under her job description but she was great at it. “What’s up?” 

“Great. I need you to put in a good word with the new girl in finances? Kayla?” 

Melissa’s jaw dropped. “You want me to wingman for you?” 

“Yeah. You’re a personal assistant, isn’t it your job to help us out?” He crossed his arms, almost like he was anxious. 

It was her job to help Mr Davidson, actually, and in turn the rest of the office. She didn’t mind doing outlandish things for him - that truly was in her job description, but being a wingman for Ted was not what she signed up for. 

But either way come lunch time she was up on the finances floor looking for Kayla. 

“Hey, Kayla, right?” She asked. The girl was really pretty. Dark, brown, messy hair tied up in space buns, a cute purple bandana and owl eye glasses. But no, Melissa was flirting for someone else. “Hi, I’m Melissa, I’m the PA,” she shook hands with the girl. 

“It’s really lovely to meet you! I love your makeup, by the way.” 

Oh my god. Don’t make her fall in love. “Thank you! And hey, if you ever need anything I’m just at the front desk so don’t hesitate to page me. I tend to get really busy though so I’ll just let you know you might have better luck going to Ted in accounting first,” she nodded. “He’s basically the head of the main floor. Knows about everything that going on, he’s a super nice guy,” she nodded. Ah god. She’d go talk to him and he’d jump straight to flirting. Not only make her out to be a liar but also like she had a crush on him. “Uh-“ no. She couldn’t tell him they were like family. She worked in the same office as her, she’d see right through it. 

“Got it, Ted, tall guy with this moustache isn’t he?” She raised an eyebrow in thought. 

“Yep! You’ve got him. You should go chat with him sometime!” She pointed over her shoulder, “it’s been lovely to meet you but I’ve got to go have lunch with-“ who? “My girlfriend.” Solid. Nice one, Melissa. At least she wouldn’t think she was into Ted. 

“How’d it go?” Ted clapped his hands together once when he saw Melissa return to her desk, her lunch break thrown away. 

“Good. She knows who you are and she’ll come down and talk to you sometime,” she have a small thumbs up. “But I totally ran late. I was going to run down to the shops to buy my lunch but I spent the whole break in finances,” she sighed, rubbing her eyes. She hadn’t had time for breakfast either. 

“Here,” he placed a container down on her desk. “You ate my carrot the other day so I brought extra today, caus you like them. I just, you know. It wasn’t a big deal, real quick.” 

They were sliced up and peeled this time. ‘Real quick,’ sure. “Thanks, Ted,” she laughed, so glad she wouldn’t have to wait until dinner. 

“Thank you for doing that for me, really.

“No problem. It’s better than that one time you tried flirting with me,” she shrugged, snapping a carrot stick in half and eating it down quickly. 

“Gross. Don’t bring that up,” he started with a chuckle. “In my defence, you were the new girl and I had no clue how young you were. You’re like a little sister to me.”  
———————————————————

“Thank you for helping me carry all these drinks back,” Paul balanced his tray in one hand as he pulled his phone out. 

“Oh it’s fine Paul! I don’t mind coming along, and I think it’s in my job description to do coffee runs,” she smiled, waiting for him to put his phone away to chat with him. 

“Oh, shoot.” 

“What’s up?” She asked, taking a sip of her chamomile. 

Paul stopped walking so she froze too. “Bill’s taking us all out for drinks tonight, he wants me to ask Emma to come too,” he bit down on his lip. “But we just left.”

“Let’s go back then. We’ll make it back in time if we hurry.” He had wasted their five minute grace period by kissing Emma. Melissa liked being on time, early preferably, but Paul liked to kiss his girlfriend and who was she to get in the way of true love? 

“Um. But that’s so embarrassing! We were just there. And I know that sounds stupid because we’re dating, but the other customers will see and think it’s weird, and Zoey was working too and-“

She let out a loud sigh to cut him off. “That’s okay Paul. I’ll handle this. I am the PA after all,” she said as she took the lid off her tea. 

“What’re you- oh my god!”

Turns out pouring freshly brewed tea down your arm burns more than she though. Silver lining, you learn something new every day. “Oh! That’s hot!”

“What’re you doing that for!?” He snatched the last of the cup out of her hand. 

“Hey, I’m the PA! It’s my job, right?” She winced through her tense grin. “One, gives us an excuse to go back to Beanies, two, everyone will be able to see we came back for a valid reason and three, Mr Davidson can’t complain about us being late if I get third degree burns, right?” She shook her wrist, it hurt way more than she thought. She wrangled her blazer off to nurse her arm. 

“Oh my god, let’s get back there right now. Maybe Emma can get you some ice!”

At least it made Paul move fast too. 

“Hello, Yes. I’m back. I split my drink all over myself, isn’t that silly? Could I please get a new one?” She spoke loudly enough so the whole cafe knew they weren’t returning for any ‘stupid’ reason as Paul had put it.

“Oh shit, Zoey, can you get some ice?” Emma rushed her manager. “Here. It’s on the house since you spilt it, Mel. I’m sorry. Does it hurt?” 

“Oh yeah! A little!” She hissed through her smile. “How clumsy am I, right?” 

“Uh, hey Emma!” Paul chimed in as she started on the new drink. “Did you want to come out after work for some drinks at Bill’s place?” 

She made sure the lid on Melissa’s cup was on alright. “Yeah I’m down! Sure!” 

And that night she was surprised to see she had been invited along for drinks too. Finishing one or two cups made the stinging on her wrist go away, but it also made her so drunk she couldn’t walk. 

“How many did you have?” Paul gasped when he came across where she was splayed out on the couch, laughing so hard her eyes were watering. 

“I don’t think that’s any of your business!” She laughed, slapping a hand to the side of the couch. “But if you must know, like, a million. That’s a joke. Only two or three, seriously.” 

“Okay. Maybe it’s time we get you back to your apartment,” he held out his arms for her to grab onto. Whatever she was laughing at seemed to rob her of the ability to walk on her feet because when she stood up she had to double over with her hands on her stomach. 

“Oh boy, we’ve got a case here,” Emma giggled, laughing along with whatever Melissa was cackling at. “She’s wasted.” 

“I’m just having fun!” She protested, waving them away. “We-! Let’s go! I want more of the sweet drink!” 

“Triple sec?” Paul blinked in disbelief. 

The look on his face made her laugh, and she had to kneel back down again so she wouldn’t fall over, rolling onto her back and thumping her fist onto the floor. 

“Okay. I’m going to walk you back to your apartment. You need to be up for work tomorrow.” 

“So do you! Stop, hah, piss off! I’ll be okay!” She slapped a hand weakly into Paul’s arm as he hauled her up, taking one arm around his shoulder so he could support her. “Paul!”

“Bye bye, Melissa,” Emma waved a hand. 

“Bye bye, good night, sleep well,” Melissa replied out of instinct before letting out a squeal. “No! Paul, come on, let’s just get one more drink.” 

“Well he’s coming back after he drops you off,” Emma explained to her. “Right babe?” 

“Yeah,” he grunted under Melissa’s deadweight. “I’ll be back in a sec, Emma,” he promised. 

“Oooh now we gotta wait,” Melissa announced. “Because you guys are so PDA, alllll the time. It’s totally fine, I’ll just wait.” She pursed her lips shut. 

“Oh, come on. Fine then, we’ll go,” Paul shrugged his shoulders to get a good grip on her arm again. 

The roads were empty enough for each laugh and comment of hers to echo down the streets. 

“Come on Mel. You need to keep your voice down.” 

“Oh don’t tell me what to do,” she elbowed him. “It’s fine! It’s not that late!” She giggled, leaning onto Paul’s shoulder. 

It was like that the whole way up until they got to her apartment block. There were still people milling around outside, heading off or coming home. 

“Ma’am, excuse me?” Someone from nearby her apartment block stepped in front of them to block them off from going inside. 

“Uh, yes?” Paul answered for her considering she could barely stand upright. “What’s up?” He tried to step past her. 

“I’m talking to the lady,” she cut Paul off. “Ma’am, are you okay? Do you know this man?”

“Oh my god!” Paul quickly readjusted his hold on her. “I’m not-this isn’t a kidnaping.” 

“I’m not asking you, sir. I’m talking to her.” 

“Oh we’re good!” Melissa gave a thumbs up. “He’s just taking me home, he’s like- this is Paul and he’s my brother, I don’t know you, though, so like, stranger danger, but you are super pretty!” 

“I’m so sorry,” Paul apologised. “She’s a handful when she’s drunk. But I swear we know each other. I’m just getting her back to her apartment.” 

It was a challenge getting her through the door, but once he had her down on her bed she mellowed out completely. “There you go, sister,” he played along with a slightly tipsy laugh of his own. 

“Hey! Don’t laugh at me, it’s just a little true if y’think about it,” she kicked off her shoes. 

“Will you be okay here on your own? Will you go to bed in a couple minutes?” 

“Oh for sure, sure thing, my brother,” she chuckled, tipping back onto her pillow and taking her glasses off. “Goodnight, Paul.” 

“Yeah,” he grinned, “goodnight, Melissa.”


End file.
